Tuesday, June 28, 2016

Self-Talk: How to Improve Thoughts About Yourself (pt. 3)

This article is PART 3 of 3 and is taken from forthcoming book, "Bankrolling Your Mind" which will be published later this summer.

READ PART 1

READ PART 2


One of the first things we do when beginning to work with a new client is show the person how to consciously recognize his/her self-talk. This helps us, and the person, to identify whether he/she will be working with the program or against it. If the latter, we’ll need to work together to eradicate any barriers and blocks and then implement strategies to promote positive internal dialogue. A few of the tools we utilize to eliminate these obstacles include various Neuro-linguistic programming (or NLP) techniques, hypnosis, Time Line Therapy®, Emotional Freedom Technique (or EFT), meditation with personal mantras, autosuggestion, and individually designed affirmations.

Are you ready to become consciously aware of your own self-talk?

Duh! You’re well on your way to Bankrolling Your Mind so I’m confident that your answer is YES! And in that case, let’s play a game.

Now before we begin, I will pre-frame this by stating that we are simply looking for data. We need to establish a starting point and baseline, which means we need solid information before we can go any further. Pay careful attention to the guidelines of this exercise in order to complete it properly because this isn’t something you can do in one single sitting and you’re not allowed to put it off until the evening for a daily recap.

The objective of this exercise is to Monitor Your Self-Talk and by that I mean monitor your self-talk throughout the day as it happens. You can do this easily with a piece of paper and pen that you’ll carry around with you. 

Every time you catch yourself saying something POSITIVE to/about yourself, you’re going to write it down in the left hand column. And every time you catch yourself saying something NEGATIVE to/about yourself, you’re going to write it down in the right hand column. Again, you’re going to carry this paper around with you throughout the day so that you can log the needed information in the moment – immediately after it happens – NOT hours later when those thoughts and emotions are no longer present. Even if you find it painful to fully acknowledge and write down the negative thoughts and words you must still write them down straightaway. If you wait until the end of the day to catalog the information then you run the chance of consciously losing valuable information by distorting or deleting (forgetting) the chain of events, which only perpetuates the unwanted cycle of harmful self-talk. 

Remember, this is a game and we are only collecting data so be truthful. Don’t be foolish, you won’t be helping yourself by being dishonest, omitting information, or not playing the game as instructed. This is an opportunity to learn and improve your thoughts and behaviors so we need accurate information.
                                                            
Typically our clients do this for about a week. In some cases, after 3-4 days (once we’re certain they’ve gotten the hang of the exercise and are playing along) we can offer to change the rules a bit. During this time, upon engaging in negative self-talk, the person has a two second window to immediately reframe the statement and make it positive.

Reframing is the process of taking a negative or undesirable event and transforming it into something more pleasing. You may recognize this by the idiom to look on the brighter side. If you’ve ever tried to help a friend by saying, “When life hands you lemons, make lemonade” then you were encouraging them to reframe the current situation.

Here are a few examples to consider so that you can see how easy it is to reframe.

Original: “I gained 5 pounds, I’ll never look good in this bathing suit.”
Reframe: “I gained 5 pounds, but I have a week to exercise before the beach so I can look good in this bathing suit.”

Original: “I gave a horrible presentation at work today. I’ll never be a good public speaker.”
Reframe: “I gave a presentation today at work and it was a learning experience. I know what I did well and what areas I need to improve upon. Next time I will be better prepared.”

Original: “I don’t have many clients/customers because I’m a lousy business owner.”
Reframe: “I don’t have as many clients as I would like, perhaps I need to hire someone to develop a better marketing campaign.”

Even if none of these examples applied to you directly, I’m sure you get the idea. The point is that you want to develop more positive and healthier self-talk that serves you as a person. As you work towards improving your self-talk you may begin to notice an emotional response that correlates with negative internal dialogue. For example, you may notice an icky feeling in your gut, a bad taste in your mouth, or sharp buzzing in your ears or some other indicator, which is simply your unconscious mind stepping in to say, “Hey, I know you’re talking bad about yourself so stop it!” and you would be wise to pay attention.

Use your best judgment over the next days. If you find yourself catching on within 3-4 days then feel free to start implementing positive reframes. However, if you think you need 7-10 days to get the best baseline because you want to thoroughly gauge all of your activities then you’re welcome to do so. Remember to be honest with yourself.

By playing this game fully and to the best of your ability you’ll begin to reprogram your mind so that you’re only thinking and saying the greatest things to/about yourself. You’ll begin to observe yourself and the world around you in a brand new light. Your attitude will drastically improve and you may even notice the attitudes of those around changing as well. Developing positive self-talk is instrumental in cultivating and maintaining a – YES I CAN – winning attitude. This will also give you a powerful boost of confidence because you’ll know where you stand with absolute certainty and be able to proclaim your answer with total congruency.


NOW YOU’RE ON YOUR SIDE!



Do you have negative self-talk and want to improve your inner dialogue?

If so, DOWNLOAD THIS FREE STRATEGY GUIDE and get 7 powerful mindset exercises.


Want to learn more?

SCHEDULE YOUR FREE STRATEGY CALL and discover how I can best serve you.

Saturday, June 25, 2016

Gaining Clarity with Help from the Cheshire Cat

The Cheshire Cat may have been crazy but at least he knew which road to take.

Let’s recap the scene from Lewis Carroll’s novel Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland.

Alice: “What road do I take?”
Cheshire Cat: “Well where are you going?”
Alice: “I don’t know.”
Cheshire Cat: “Then it doesn’t matter. If you don’t know where you are going, any road will get you there.”

This is a fantastic representation for setting a proper goal. Just as Alice needed to know where she was going before choosing her path, it’s absolutely important that you know what you want (goal) so that you can determine the course of action that will get you there.

WARNING!

It’s not enough to be in the ballpark. In fact, you would do yourself (and your team) a great disservice by stating your goal in general terms.

How many people do you know that frequently fail to achieve goals simply because they are vague and wishy-washy with what they want?

They say things like this:

I want to grow my business
Duh…we all do! But how big do you want to grow and in what way?

I want to lose weight.
But don’t state how much they want to lose and by when.

I want to be someone important and respected by others.
What the H-E-Double hockey sticks does that mean?!

These aren’t goals. These are statements made by middle school students and chances are that any good teacher would tell those students to return to their desk and be more specific before submitting the assignment.  

Yet many adults try to take the easy way out by doing as little work as possible when it comes to setting their goals and somehow they’re confused or disappointed when they fail miserably or at best get poor results.

As stated before, it’s not enough to be in the ballpark. You have to know what you want. But more than that, you have to know – specifically – what you want.

So where do you fit in?

Well, let’s play a game.

Go ahead and think about that thing you want.

Now, put yourself in Alice’s pretty little shoes for a moment.

As you stand before multiple possible roads, are you able to choose the best one that will allow you to reach your desired destination easily and effortlessly?

If you have total clarity on what it is that you want then you most likely answered yes because you know which road is the right one to take.

However, if you’re having trouble choosing the right road because they all look the same or because you can’t see that far ahead then you need to become clearer with what you want.

The audio below is from a live training series, Bankrolling Your Mind, with Larunce Pipkin. If you don’t know who he is – look him up!

Based on a 3-pillar approach, the Bankrolling Your Mind program is designed to help the person (you) gain complete clarity on what you want, determine laser focus on how to get it, and develop rituals for success that when practiced over time will cultivate mastery.

You’re welcome to download this audio and use it as a training tool for your leadership team and invite them to future training calls.

Until next time, thanks for reading and be excellent!



Ps – If you’re still wearing Alice’s shoes, you can take them off now.

Want to learn how we can help you?


FREE DOWNLOAD
BANKROLLING YOUR MIND - Live Training Call

Friday, June 24, 2016

Self-Talk: Know When Your Beliefs are Blocking Your Success (pt. 2)

* This article is PART 2 of 3 and is taken from our forthcoming book, "Bankrolling Your Mind" which will be published later this summer.

READ PART 1


Limiting beliefs are quite simply those hindering beliefs that constrain a person’s full potential. They are the walls that stop expansion and the ceiling that prohibits you from rising to extraordinary heights. If you’ve ever believed yourself to be not good enough, inadequate or unworthy, or accepted failure without putting forth an honest effort then you maintained a particular limiting belief associated with that behavior or pattern. You find yourself boxed in from your own self-imposed barriers and helplessly shackled to the dungeon floor.

In addition to limiting beliefs, another form of internal blocks come as limiting decisions, which are just as dangerous and detrimental to our growth. Simply put, these are the choices to do less than what’s necessary. To use an analogy, if you need to put ten gallons of gas into your car to get to where you’re going but you only put in five gallons, knowing that it won’t be enough, then you set yourself up to fall short of your destination because insufficiently fueling your vehicle won’t allow for the desired outcome. Likewise, it’s these poor choices, self-sabotaging behaviors, and half-assed efforts that keep people in the cycle of mediocrity.

It’s important to understand how these limiting beliefs and decisions come into existence. Without diving too deep into the nature vs. nurture discussion we can easily state that these harmful and inhibiting beliefs can be both self-imposed and adopted. Whether self-created or appropriated from outside forces, many times these limiting beliefs are influenced by those closest to us directed under the guise of advice.

Go ahead and think about how many times you didn’t do something that you really wanted to do because a family member, friend, or associate said:
            “You shouldn’t try that because I already tried and it’s too hard” or
            “Don’t get your hopes up” or
            “Stop dreaming those crazy dreams and come back to reality like everybody else”

Whoa! Hang on a tick. Rich, are you saying that my friends and loved ones want to hold me down and see me fail? No, of course not. Their advice and suggestions are well-intended however misplaced. Remember, toddlers learning to walk and children trying to ride a bike for the first time are meant to fall down and skin their knees. A parent who swoops in to coddle the child and discourage future attempts only impairs the child and enables failure. However, a parent who offers a quick loving embrace and firm encouragement will surely foster growth and empowerment to drive forward.

Now be honest with yourself. What are the thoughts that you think about yourself? What are the words that you say to yourself? Does your self-talk take on superhero qualities, which are positive, serving, and moving you towards greatness or villainous qualities that are negative, destructive, and self-sabotaging? In other words, do you speak highly of yourself and motivate yourself to achieve or do you doubt your abilities and put yourself down?

WHOSE SIDE ARE YOU ON?

READ PART 3



Do you have negative self-talk and want to improve inner dialogue?

If so, DOWNLOAD THIS FREE STRATEGY GUIDE and get 7 powerful mindset exercises


Want to learn more?

SCHEDULE YOUR FREE STRATEGY CALL and discover how I can best serve you.



Thursday, June 23, 2016

Self-Talk: Yes, You Do Talk to Yourself (pt.1)

* This article is PART 1 of 3 and is taken from our forthcoming book, "Bankrolling Your Mind" which will be published later this summer.


Self-talk is described as the thoughts we think and the words we say to/about ourselves. Now if you’re thinking, “Bologna, I don’t talk to myself” – YES YOU DO! We all do and it’s perfectly natural. Stop and think for a moment. As you’re going about your day, thinking those thoughts and saying those words to and about yourself, what are you saying? What kind of message are you conveying?

Do you find yourself frequently thinking/saying things that are positive, serving, and moving you towards greatness like: I’m good enough, I can do this, and I deserve this or do you say things that are negative, destructive, and self-sabotaging like: I am no good, I don’t have enough skills, and I don’t deserve to have this dream? Essentially, are you your own coach and biggest fan cheering yourself towards victory or are you your own worst enemy beating yourself up and offering excuses as to why you can’t do things?

The reason this is so important and why you need to gain clarity on your self-talk early in our work together is because you need to know whose side you’re on. I’m going to say that again. YOU NEED TO KNOW WHOSE SIDE YOU’RE ON!

Think about someone you know who has spent thousands of dollars on personal development programs and wasted hundreds of hours on professional training but hasn’t gained much ground or made any significant changes in his/her business and life. It’s possible this person is new to the personal growth space, in which case, he/she has only spent a few hundred dollars buying a home program but most likely your friend is one of the many countless individuals who have dumped thousands of dollars to travel away from home for a multi-day event only to return with the exact same problems as when they left.

Sure the loud hypnotic chanting, repetitive affirmations, and super high-fives were empowering for a moment and the energy seemed to smother those problems but once the cheering settled and the person returned to the old and familiar environment then those same old and familiar issues began to resurface stronger than ever. You know it’s true. You’ve seen it happen to your friend and vividly remember the look of disappointment and sense of overall frustration while venting about those problems that just wouldn’t go away. How many people do you know that can lump themselves into this failed category of wasted money and time via broken promises? You’ve probably felt this sting yourself with certain products or programs in the past. You have, haven’t you? It hurts right?

But, how does this happen? Shouldn’t you expect to experience profound life changes after partaking in expensive seminars and retreats? Is it asking too much to anticipate those same results promised on the sales letter of costly programs? Is it wrong to assume the books should provide answers rather than raising more questions?

It’s also important to note that another root cause could be that a charlatan or knucklehead that clearly wasn’t worth his salt designed the seminar, program, or book but we’ll address that in a later chapter. Plus, in the Mastery section we’re going to show you how to align with real leaders, authority figures, and mentors so that you’re always learning from top professionals who act with integrity and have your best interest in mind.


For the sake of our current discussion let’s assume that the programs and books we’re considering are crafted by a well-intentioned adept so that we can examine how somebody can waste thousands of dollars and spend hundreds of hours on self-development but only experience disappointing stasis. Though these unwanted effects could stem from multiple root causes, in our experience one of the chief factors is that these people worked against the program. They beat themselves down rather than lifting themselves up. They looked for excuses of failure rather than reasons to succeed. And they doubted themselves and maintained limiting beliefs rather than creating and maintaining self-empowering beliefs.


* This article is PART 1 of 3 and is taken from our forthcoming book, "Bankrolling Your Mind" which will be published later this summer.

READ PART 2



Do you have negative self-talk and want to improve inner dialogue?

If so, DOWNLOAD THIS FREE STRATEGY GUIDE and get 7 powerful mindset exercises.


Want to learn more?

SCHEDULE YOUR FREE STRATEGY CALL and discover how I can best serve you.